Conjugal Love in Islam
1. Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various kinds.
2. Nothing should be done that is offensive or harmful to either person. Each has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but neither has the right to disgust or injure the other.
3. With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur’an says,
“Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please.” (2:223)
4. It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is menstruating (Qur’an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet (God’s grace and peace be upon him), a man and his menstruating wife can however give one another pleasure so long as the woman’s genitals are avoided.
5. There are ahadiths that forbid anal intercourse and scholars agree that it is not permissible.
6. The Qur’an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide how to physically express their sexual desires.
7. What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (pbuh) said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their sexual practices:
“Do you know what those who do this are like? Those who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on.”
For husbands I should say that sex is an expression of love and one without the other is incomplete. One of your jobs is to educate your wife in matters of sex especially in your likes and dislikes and do not compare her to other women.
For wives I want to say that a man’s sexual needs are different than a women’s. Instead of being a passive recipient of sex, try to be an active partner. He is exposed to many temptations outside the home. Be available to please him and do not give him a reason to make a choice between you and hellfire. Therefore, in Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual activities according to the sure teaching of the Qur’an, in the light of the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in mutual respect for one another and knowing that the only witness to the expression of their desires will be Allah the Exalted, who will judge them according to their deeds and their heartfelt intentions.
I believe that this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows best.